Mystery Of The Box
by Styrofoam-Thoughts
Summary: This is just a quick Law and Order:Criminal Intent/progressive TV commercial crossover. Something has happened to the Progressive spokesman 'The Box'. With Detectives Goren and Emes on the case will they get the suspect to crack? This fanfiction is not to be taken seriously it's just for fun. Hope you enjoy. Rated T for some harsh language and comedic dark images.


**_I do not own Law and Order: Criminal intent or progressive. This is pure fanfiction fantasy._**

 **Mystery Of The Box**

 **Behind City Wok 7:15 AM**

 _Detectives Goren and Eames, were called to the gruesome crime scene, of a famous vlogger/rapper/Insurance spokesperson, know as Mr. Box._

"Looks like a real cut-up job, whoever did this is a real sicko." Detective Eames said with the look of disgust on her face.

"Yeah Eames, this wasn't random this was personal - I mean look here, they cut his flaps off with what looks like... dull scissors."

"Looks like ' _overkill_ ' Bobby, you couldn't tape this poor guy back together... the medical-examiner going to love us for this one.(Eames says rubbing the back of her hand to her nose,with the look of disgust.) Real sick! maybe an ex? or someone's not a fan of his vlog. What do you make of the rips on the front? I mean his outer wrapping is in tatters, Goren."

 _Detective Goren, looks over the tears in the front area of Box, concentrating deep on the wounds with an almost ghoulish fascination, his gloved fingers lifting the paper, when he comes across an almost damming piece of evidence._

"Look at this Eames."

"It looks like someone chipped a nail, _hot red_ , nice color... I've seen this before. I think we need to pay somebody a visit." Eames said with her arms folded. In her mind she found the perfect suspect."

"I think I know - and it isn't a _General_ or _Gecko_. Flo right?"

"Waiting on you Bobby. Let's give 'little Miss. Flo' a visit. Maybe she can give us a discount on some good car insurance."

"Maybe get a look at her 'name your price tool', I've always wondered about that thing."

"Please Goren, she'll guard it with her life. Hopefully, she's not so guarded about her whereabouts and poor Mr. Box."

 **Flo's residence 8:45 AM**

 _The two detectives arrive at a very odd place of residence, it was almost all white and blue. Flo was just returning home with a bag of groceries._

"Can we have a moment of your time - miss uhhh Flo, is it? You need some help with the bags there? Sorry for my rudeness. I'm Detective Goren and this is Detective Eames."

"Detectives, I'm kind of busy, what can i help you two with?"

"I just...if you would let us in, we have some really bad news about your boss, I mean co-worker ... _Box._ He was your friend right?"

"Sure, come in take a bag, Goren was it?"

 _Goren and Eames enter the residence of the eccentric Flo. When Eames notices something about Flo that just strengthens her suspicions, chipped nails._

"Oh thank you detectives. So what happened to Box is he OK?" Flo says nervously as she lays her car keys down by her 'name-your-price-tool'.

"Oh,I'm so sorry Flo. look Bobby, chipped nails, she must of clipped them on your watch - You have to be more careful. Men and am I right? They just don't know what we women go through for a good nail job."

"And look Eames, that Color you were admiring a moment ago - _Hot Red_ you called the it. I'm sorry Flo Alow me to put this bag on the table for you I'm such a clutz, Oh, and another thing - we're going to have to have you come to the station. Oh, and would you look at those by the sink Eames,they kinda look like, yeah."

"Scissors (Eames feels the blade) and dull ones at that - not too good for cutting off box flaps quickly. Get in the car Flo looks like you're going to be late for your manicure."

"Oh Flo, before we go, anyway I can use your price tool... I've always been curious about how it works? - you know, the commercials."

"Company property; it's authorized for use by me only." Flo said cutting her eyes at Goren.

"only you, didn't Box have one? I mean he's the face of the company after Jamie right?...nevermind, I tend to ramble."

"Well, not much of a face now we'll tell you all about it at the station - move it, _hunty._ " Eames said as she put Flo in the custody of the NYPD.

 **One Police Plaza 11:50 AM**

"Why are you holding me... what did I do?"

"Flo, have a seat, we'd like you to take a gander at these photos. We do have to warn you they are a tad graphic. (Eames puts the photos of the mutilated Box in front of Flo.) You have any idea how this happened; did Box have any enemies?"

"I have no idea detective Eames. Box, was sweet and very popular." Flo said nervously biting her chipped fingernails.

 _Goren and Eames are then intirupted by an officer with new disturbing details it seems whoever murdered Box, also took some anger out on his pet_ chinchilla, Rocco _. It seems someone forced a bag of 'spicy cashews' down the poor animals throat, and hid him behind the dumpster._

"So Flo, I just got some disturbing news. were you a fan of Box's pet chinchilla? I mean take a look I'm sorry but just glance at these photos."detective Goren said tilting his head sideways.

"This is sick. Look, I have no idea what sick freak did this, but i should not be subjected to these horrible things."

"Oh come on _hunty_ , you hated him - admit it his star was starting to shine a lot brighter than yours and you couldn't stand it; so you dug into him with those trashy cheap Cambodian nails and finished off his chinchilla, Rocco with a bag of spicy cashews... must of been seething over his hip new _vlog_."

 _Detective Eames couldn't stand how Flo just kept giving them the 'go around', she then looks over at Goren with a secret look, a look that meant, 'turn up the heat'._

"Yeah - something just came to mind remember the album he had out awhile back? 'The Un-boxing' that was the one with that catchy cool tune. (Goren then proceeds to sing a broken version of 'Go Paperless')

[ Go paperless,

yes - yes girl, I've got the discount that you need.

safe driver,

accident - _free_

put your flaps in the air...]

That's right! He couldn't because you sheared them off with dull scissors... didn't you? You just couldn't take no more of his fame and fortune... so you snuffed em out ain't that right Flo!?" Detective Goren said as he slammed his fist on the table.

"Drop the act sweetheart, you're yesterday's news and getting rid of Box was the only way of keeping your face of progressive status... just admit it... save yourself self some humiliation and keep some dignity _Flo_."

"Alright - alright! Yes I cut that spotlight stealing piece of shit... and that annoying ass _rat_ of his! I'm glad I did it. You know how many years of my life I gave to those 'ingrates'?"

"So, what was the breaking point?" Goren asked.

"I, was at ' _C_ ity _W_ ok' and I heard that voice. He was telling jokes and giving insurance advice... I swear, he could never turn it off! So I met him outside and lured him into the alley... and I off'd his egotistical ass... and I'd do it again detectives."

"Must of been slow and excruciating."Eames said, her anger rising with each passing second.

"I hope it was, and I know for a fact it took more than a couple of minutes... and i enjoyed every damned moment!"

"Well, that's that. Goren, guess all we have to do is dot the i's and cross the t's."

"Flo, you're under arrest for the murder of Mr. Box I'm going to have to ask you to go with these officers,(Taps on glass) She's all yours, officers. She confessed... get her out of my sight."

"Oh, and Flo, we'll give our congrats to Jamie seeing now, how he's the new face of progressive - have fun _sweetheart_." Eames said with a bitchy smile digging one more jab at Flo.

"Yeah, we did him a favor by taking trash like you off the streets... see ya in 50 years Flo."Goren said as he scratched his scruffy cheek.

"Well Bobby, I think I'll stick with the _Gecko_." Eames says with a smirk.

"it's all a scam... is that 'name your price thing' in evidence?"Goren said as he placed his hands on Eames shoulder.

"Grow up Bobby!"

"Ummm, Naaah!"

"Talk to you later Goren, I think I gotta go un-box my breakfast, dealing with sickos like her can turn anyone's stomach."

"So, more ham on rye for me."Goren said walking off shaking his head with a grin.

 **The End.**


End file.
